Thank you for downloading the Toddler Waze app, the most innovative navigation technology in existence. Through crowdsourcing and real-time updates, we make your commute more toddler-like everywhere you go.
See another car? We know you just love to point out every one on the *#%@ing road, so now you can just say “car” and we mark them for you. Every. Single. One. Until your screen is as clogged as the driver’s poor, poor eardrums.
What about a horse? Don’t you think other toddlers would like to know one is coming up, too? Again, just shout out the word and a marker is put on the interactive mapping app. Same goes for dog, sheep, cow and water. See something? By golly say something.
Wait– what’s this? Oh, don’t worry. You just pressed a bunch of buttons on the device and are now steaming Curious Geo–Dora the–Sesame St– argh! Will you pick a show and stick with it, Kid?
Ok, back to Toddler Waze. Bird! Bird! (Other icons available include plane and Superman, since the three are often confused.)
If there is something happening on the side of the road, just say “uh oh” and an indiscriminate icon will pop up on your journey. Don’t worry about specifics; we know toddlers can’t tell the difference between a noisy muscle car and a car fire.
Hungry? Just yell “snack!” repeatedly until an adult gives you food. It doesn’t matter if you just ate, or have trouble enunciating because THERE IS THTILL FOOD IN YOUR MOUFF… you will get a snack with persistence. Also, be sure to click on the banner ad for Costco, sponsor of Toddler Waze and proud supplier of toddler snacks everywhere.
Finally, an optional feature is the “wee!” button. You can push this when going over speed bumps or down rolling country hills. Or if your parent has convinced you their bad driving is intentional, for extra entertainment. Now, why would they do that?