Chances Are

Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets.

Probability that Little Bug will put her training pants on backwards: 2/5

Probability that she will try to put two legs into one leg hole of her training pants: 3/5

Chances that Little Bug will do a cannonball in her swim instructor’s face: 1/2

Chances that someone in her class will think splashing the instructor is funny and copy her: 1/4

img_3677

Likelihood that Little Bug will successfully go “pee pee” in the toilet: 1/12

Likelihood that I will accidentally say “pee pee” in front of adults because I’ve been saying it at home so dang often: 5/6

Probability that she will eat the food from my plate, leaving me to finish her mangled version of the same meal: 1/4

img_3696
Raisin bran sans raisins!

Odds that she will start yammering during an important phone call: 5/6

Chances of her keeping all of the Play-Dough on the table: 1/20

Probability of Little Bug managing to text someone in my phone book who I don’t really want to talk to, but keep in there for business purposes: 1/10

Probability of said text making any sense: 0/10

Probability of said text being auto-corrected into something embarrassing: 7/10

Likelihood that she’ll enjoy a trip to the carwash: 0/10

img_3706

Likelihood that I’ll use “going to the carwash” as a threat against bad behavior: 0/100 (Come on, that’s mean… and expensive.)

Odds that she’ll be good at math: 8/9

Odds that she’s good at math right now: 1/3

fullsizeoutput_4e1
I didn’t know my iPhone calculator could do that.

Probability that Little Bug will find the most germaphobic person in the room and either try to touch them with sticky hands or kiss them with an open mouth: 2/5

Likelihood that she will call someone “Mama,” regardless of gender: 2/3

Chances that she’ll decide to use her toddler bed as it was intended: 1/4

fullsizeoutput_6b4
Roughing it

C vs. K

(some of this interview may be liberally imagined)

Mama C: Hi Louie.

Lucie: Hi!

MC: We had a long morning together while Mama K was at work. How do you think it went?

L: I liked working out with you. You did exactly three push-ups in with me sitting on top of you.

img_3651

MC: Well, you are a hefty 32 pounds.

L: Me gusta burritos.

MC: What else did we do?

L: We watched a surprising amount of T.V. Funny… Mama K and I don’t watch that much T.V. together.

MC: Oh yeah?

L: Yep, we go on walks, go to the library, play with friends… and she doesn’t complain about my weight.

fullsizeoutput_67f

MC: You don’t jump on her!

L: Which came first, the couch potato or the trampoline?

MC: What? Well, you don’t have to punch me in the arm when you say my name. When you say Mama K’s name, you gently pat her.

L: And why do you think that is?

MC: Point taken.

L: Another thing: why does Mama K put me in real clothes with actual layers, while you leave me in my pajamas all day? 

MC: I can dress you if you want.

L: (looks Mama C up and down) No thanks. I’m good.

img_3684