Not so fast, baby

“The song goes, ‘morning has broken,’ and I’m pretty sure my children broke it.” -Jim Gaffigan

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Yesterday Lucie came toddling (oh, so that’s where that word comes from) into the room with one of the plastic plug covers. Just great.

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She’s walking now, by the way. That was Grandma & Grandpa’s wonderful gift to us this summer. I was 100% prepared (and hoping for) a discussion with our pediatrician regarding our immobile child of 18 months. I had even practiced a little feigned concern face in the mirror. But then we left on a Mamacation, leaving Little Bug with the grandparents… and viola– Baby Frankenstein. Or as Mama K likes to mutter under her breath: “Baby Frankenstein’s Monster.” Either way, it’s alive.

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And so with great power comes great harnessability.  Mama K is anti-leash and like many aspects of parenting, there seems to be a drastic societal war going on about which side to take.  I’ll take the “my kid is less likely to terrorize your dog/run into traffic/remove the bottom can in a grocery store display” side, thank you very much.  And even as I was ordering this thing online, half of the reviews started with “I never thought this would be me” or “I swore I wouldn’t be one of those parents putting their kid on a tether…”

The hierarchy of who walks whom.
The hierarchy of who walks whom.

The reason why I finally got my way is this: Mama K was catching up on work emails one evening and I watched Lucie walk across the room and put a shoe in her mouth. I asked Mama K to point, without looking, to where she thought  Lucie was, and Mama K pointed in the opposite direction.  She looked up and was horrified that I would let the baby gnaw on a Nike sandwich to prove my point.  But she did see my point and agreed to consider a harness.  As long as a) I didn’t pull that stunt again, and b) the backpack/leash was semi-subtle, functional, and don’t forget about adorable.  It’s got to be cute.

Well friends, I suppose the new era is upon us.  I fear I didn’t work out enough this past year and a half to live up to this challenge.  Forget American Ninja Warrior.  American Toddler Wrangler is more like it.

The baby walked past three toys in favor of this packaging from groceries.
The baby walked past three toys in favor of this packaging (aka trash) and carried it around almost the entire evening.
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