Tips for Handling a Picky Eater

From theonion.com. Thanks also to BB for the link.

Having a child who refuses to eat most foods can be both frustrating and alarming for parents, but there are ways to work through this phase as a family. Here are The Onion’s tips for handling a picky eater:

  • It’s important to build positive associations with food, so fill your child’s favorite stuffed animal with Swiss chard.
  • If you’re a parent who’s pressed for time, a little popcorn crust and carrot foam can do wonders for the most prosaic of salmon mousses.
  • Set an example by eating anything your child hands you.
  • Your child cannot be expected to understand the scientific studies linking early eating habits with good health later in life, but you can at least encourage him to read the abstracts.
  • “Ants on a log,” or celery sticks filled with peanut butter and topped with raisins, are healthy snacks that are fun to scrape out of your carpet and child’s hair.
  • If your child throws a tantrum when she sees veggies on her plate, try calmly explaining to her that you never pictured your life like this.
  • Butter, butter, butter.
  • Mealtime should be fun! Make a game out of how long you can withstand your child’s screams before digging chicken tenders out of the freezer.

Between the Lines

Dear Backseat Parents,

I’m wise to your game. It may not be acceptable to tell me what to do outright, but your thinly veiled comments and questions certainly get the point across.

“Does Lucie like baths? When was her last bath?”

“You’re so brave to take a baby on this hike. Oh, and flip flops, too!”

It didn't seem to phase the kid one bit.
It didn’t seem to phase the kid one bit.

image

“Does Lucie eat well? It looks like she does.”

“I could never leave my baby while I went on vacation.”

We can!
We can!

And this one from Mama K: “How was picking up LB?” (Translation: “I’m away at a work conference and I’m checking to make sure you remembered our kid at daycare.”)

“This Bag is Not a Toy” and other nuggets of wisdom

I thought this was really funny before parenthood. Now I find it terrifying
I thought this was really funny before parenthood. Now I find it terrifying.

Luciana was helping me assemble a shoe rack last week.  I guess whatever Mama K was up to at the time trumped my activity in terms of  baby inappropriateness, because I cannot think of another reason why I would plunk the kid down amidst plastic wrappers, assembly tools and metal parts.  Anyway, Little Bug was so content clanging the rods together and pounding on the empty box (actual toys are for chumps).

Then she got a hold of the screwdriver, which was cute… until she came at me like Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th.  There is no photo to accompany this story because I was scurrying for my life.  Um, I mean I was calmly removing the screwdriver from the baby’s possession while simultaneously giving  a lesson on sharp object safety.

Having a toddler brings meaning and clarity to all of those once esoteric warnings.

“Keep out of reach of children” [baby shampoo container]

“Supervise children when in use” [swimming pool sign]

“Choking hazard” [candy wrapper]

“Viagra is not for children”

You learn something new every day.

At least there are no warnings for kids and the harmful effects of video games. Whew.
At least there are no warnings for kids and the harmful effects of video games. Whew.