No kidding. I’ve seen everything now. Until, that is, the next thing comes along. In the meantime, there’s this:
Word to the mama.
In addition to the aforementioned list, a thing that’s new to parenting is the constant emotional crying.
– Disney/Pixar Inside Out trailers
– News stories
– Acts of kindness witnessed about town
– Athletic events
– Church hymns
– MasterChef Junior
– Thinking about the cruelty that Little Bug will have to endure in this world
– Thinking about the wonders of the world that Little Bug will get to experience
– Cute animals
– Cute baby animals
– and the Other Thing
And by “bucket” I mean things I never thought I would do but find myself doing on a regular basis. Hmmmm.
1. Asked my partner “where did the baby go?”
2. Learned to plug my nose hands free (essential diaper changing skill)
3. Picked up the baby by the back of the overalls and carried her like a human briefcase
4. Offered the baby large sums of money to stop crying and/or go to sleep
5. Licked my thumb to wipe something off of the baby’s face
6. Said “stop it” more than three times in a row
And basically all of this:
It’s Father’s Day weekend, which means that other than calling Lucie’s granddads, there’s not much else for the mamas to do on this holiday. So instead we had a grand ol’ time just doing Portland (a.k.a. gay mom?) things.
1. We watched the GOALIE of the women’s professional soccer team score the tying goal in overtime. It made The Telegraph in the UK, and even the queen of headers, Abby Wambach, took a break from the Women’s World Cup to give her some Twitter love.
2. We hiked until our kid fell asleep.
3. We went to the Motherland: San Francisco (this was actually last weekend, but close enough).
4. We took gratuitous selfies.
5. We lost (and found!) our pooch.
6. We took an obligatory kid-eating-spaghetti shot, but used spaghetti squash instead.
7. And we micro managed Lucie’s every move. (We did not, but I wanted to share this clip.)
I’m getting dressed this morning and I hear the following from the other room:
“Wait, wait. Stay there. Hang on!”
When I pop my head out to see what is going on, I watch Little Bug crawl as fast as she can (which is, surprisingly, zippier than one might imagine) down the hallway. Following closely after LB is Mama K, hunched over and holding a pair of baby overalls in an effort to loop it over the moving target. As if.
Luckily, LB stops to check out a doorway and Mama K is able to get the overalls over the head, but the baby takes off immediatey after.
“Okay, I guess you’re going to have a pants necklace today.”
– When LB threw her head forward and bonked it on the table at a restaurant, Mama C pretended like it was the most fun anyone had experienced in their life to avoid a public tantrum. Mama K joined by elevating her voice to a saccharine level reserved for emergencies and they both ended up drawing more attention to themselves than if they just let Lucie cry it out.
– In a hotel room, there is not much room to hide. When Lucie popped her head up to see why the mamas were still up (watching TV), Mama K ducked out of Lucie’s line of vision and Mama C covered her eyes with her hand and watched TV through her fingers. Remaining very, very still.
– Despite being thoroughly entertained by Lucie’s antics (pulling the wipes out of the container, stuffing food in her mouth like a rodent, vocalizing randomly and repeatedly in a public space), the mamas put on their most serious faces to dole out corrective action.
Yeah, yeah I know “boatland” is an oxymoron. It’s also made up, so just relax.
In case anyone is wondering, I didn’t get Mama K’s permission to take photos or post said photos on the Internet. #testingUnconditionalLove