Times They are a Changing

Well, well, well. Little Bug has learned a few tricks that have rendered formerly mundane tasks… er… a tad more exciting.

Think bottle feeding will go peacefully? Only if she doesn’t pinch your tricep (yes, that very sensitive underarm) in the middle of the meal. Unless you want milk all over the place, you have to keep holding her and the bottle while she squeezes the time away.

How about reading a book or magazine? That’s fine if you are okay with having the pages ripped away and shoved into her mouth. Hope it wasn’t a library book.

Did you want to play a game of Playstation basketball with Lucie on your lap? I take it you don’t mind a player who looks like he is on crack as the baby grabs the joystick and throttles it back and forth.

The innocent look catches you even more by surprise
The innocent look catches you even more by surprise

Are you writing an email draft to your boss? Prepare for two versions because Lucie just managed to send the first half with the random slap of a button. That will teach you to pick her up from daycare early.

Oh, I’m sorry… is Lucie whapping you in the face as you’re trying to talk to someone important? Did she just stick her foot in the dirty diaper you’re trying to clean up? Or sneeze in your cereal?

Come mothers and fathers throughout the land
And don’t criticize what you can’t understand
Your sons and your daughters are beyond your command
…for times, they are a changing

– Bob Dylan

Baby Games

Pop quiz: one mama has to go to work and the other mama is sleeping in on her day off. What do you (a true supporter of mischief) do now?

Answer: incorporate the baby in shenanigans!

Scholarship #2: physical comedy

Oh, come on. I have my limits…

Hands together, head bowed

For those of you with a sensitivity to cussing, crassness, or religious poetic license, I apologize and ask you to move on to the next post. Otherwise, I cannot think of a better author to capture my most dreaded fears about raising a daughter. Thank you, Tina Fey.

thepapermama.com quotes Tina Fey’s Bossypants

Adventures in Daycare

When we go to pick Lucie up from daycare, there are actually two other babies there who look just like her. All three have full heads of black hair and are about the same size. As we are packing up for the day, I like to say “hi” to them since I am particularly drawn to interesting phenomena such as doppelgängers.

Today, I stopped to sympathize with a particularly fussy member of the Brown Baby Trio, when I hear the room monitor call out:

“She is saying: ‘You look like my mom; stop talking to me!'”

Er, did I just get into passive-aggressive trouble for talking to the crying baby? And did she just insinuate that all Asians look alike?

Or maybe I really have a doppelgänger out there, too.

The Silent Partner

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It’s 10:50 PM on a Monday, so as Mama K tries to drift off to sleep, I decide it’s a great time to pepper her with interview questions. Why not?

Q: Looking back, what was your favorite thing about being pregnant?

A: Feeling her kick; it was always so startling but it was good because it reassured me that she was doing well.
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Q: What wouldn’t you wish upon your worst enemy?

A: The leg cramps. They were so painful, especially in the middle of the night, when all you want to do is sleep. No amount of pressure would alleviate it…you just had to walk around until it went away.

Q: Were you surprised by anything during the nine months?

A: I was surprised by how hot I got, even in winter. I was just uncomfortable– hot from the inside out. Hot in my own skin and I couldn’t seem to get cooled down. I kept drinking water and moving, which sounds strange, but it helped.
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Q: Were you ever scared?

A: Yes, I worried that I wasn’t eating correctly, even though I tried to follow the rules as best as I could. There were things that I was supposed to stay away from, like fish and improperly cooked foods, so I was nervous that something would hurt her.

Q; What was the weirdest thing that someone said to you?

A: Someone said that it looked like I was carrying a basketball around. I felt pregnant all over, so that person caught me off guard.
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Q: Do you wish you did anything differently?

A: Took yoga classes throughout and worked out more regularly. Not because I felt uncoordinated, but I just wish that I had stretched more and was less tired. Oh, and maybe that I did more memory games because pregnancy brain hit me hard.

Q: What was pregnancy brain like?

A: Awful. There would be something that I knew how to do, and did every single day just fine… and then I would forget how to do that one thing. I was in charge of scheduling staff at work and I would forget to put people on the schedule. One day I had to send out three amendments. I was so embarrassed. I even called a male a female by using the incorrect pronoun.

Q: Is it true that having a baby is like having a dog?

A: In some instances. But babies grow faster and you can see the changes. They will not plateau like dogs.
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Q: Which is worse? Contractions or pushing?

A: Contractions. You know you will get something out of pushing, whereas contractions are just painful until they subside.

Q: Did time go quickly or slowly when you were at the hospital?

A: Quickly. I still can’t believe I was there for eight hours. It seems more like three or four.

Q: What was the nicest thing someone did for you while you were pregnant?

A: I was very, very close to the end [of pregnancy] and I was on a crowded bus. One person offered me their seat, and then two others and then one more and so on as the bus continued on its route.

Q: Why did you try to squeeze into regular clothes during the whole pregnancy?

A: I was fooling myself regarding what size I was. I didn’t start showing until later, so I could wear regular clothes longer.
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Q: If you could pick the artist for Lucie’s first concert, who would you have her see?

A: Coldplay. It’s a very energetic show. You can really appreciate the music and the theatrics behind the performance. Some of the musicians give concerts where you might as well just be at home, listening to the CD, but there’s so much showmanship to [this] artist and it elevates the music.

Q: If you could pick a Saved By the Bell character to be Lucie’s best friend, who would it be and why?

A: Kelly Kapowski because she seems like a loyal friend who would be genuinely nice to her and look out for her best interests.

…Well, I would have gone with Miss Bliss, but this last question was half-answered and then I had to nudge Mama K awake to finish her thought. Dedication to journalistic excellence at all hours of the day or night! With that said, we’re signing off.
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