How do you get a baby astronaut to go to sleep?
What does an evil hen lay?
Should you have a baby after 30?
No, 30 kids is more than enough.
Why did the mom forgo the baby shower?
Because she was able to change the diaper fairly quickly.
How much does a baby hipster weigh?
Why was the mama kangaroo upset?
Because it was raining, so her kids had to play inside.
What color socks do baby pandas wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
Why do dogs need licenses, but babies don’t?
Babies can’t drive.
What do cows have that no other animal has?
How does a grammarian reply when asked: “Did you have a boy or a girl?”
What do royal babies drink?
How can you tell if your nanny is cheap?
They don’t tip at restaurants.
How does a Roman kid indicate she is five years old?
She holds up two fingers.
Thank you for coming in tonight! Remember there’s a two drink minimum and CDs are at the merch table.