Clocking in

3:10 AM Get up to retrieve stirring baby (yes, critics, the baby is now sleeping in her own crib).

3:15 AM As Mama K feeds Lucie, I recall getting up around this time to get ready for an opening Starbucks shift. It was ridiculous then; it is ridiculous now.

3:25 AM BUUUUURRRP! After congratulating the baby on sleeping 4+ hours, I realize she is not falling asleep like she usually does after feeding…

3:30 AM Diaper change. That ought to do it. Famous last words, eh?

3:40 AM I’ve been bouncing on the otherwise trusty yoga ball for 6 minutes, to no avail. Lucie has managed to get drool/spit up on the back of her swaddle wrap, enough to soak a patch, rendering it fuss-able fodder. In other words, change now or forever hold your peace.

Reenactment of prior night.* Objects were more disgruntled than they appear.  *Yes, that's a cone of shame on Tom in the background.
Reenactment of prior night.* Objects were more disgruntled than they appear.
*Yes, that’s a cone of shame on Tom in the background.

3:43 AM Bending over to change Lucie’s swaddle has given her an opportunity to grab a chunk of my hair. Merciful release is far from imminent. Struggle ensues.

3:56 AM I’ve made a bottle so we don’t have to wake Mama K up again. Now if the baby would just open her mouth…

4:05 AM Mama K peeks her head out of the bedroom. I assure her that despite the screaming fit that woke her up in the first place, all is well. Truthfully, I would LOVE to hand the baby over, but Mama K has been taking care of Lucie all week, including weeknights. Though initially I tried to take the nights off of Mama K’s hands, I realized I couldn’t continue when I sleepily told a room full of 401k participants that $2400 less 10% is $2000. Sleep deprivation does not make for good math, which matters when your job entails being good at math. See the conundrum?

4:45 AM Lucie is still fussing, but seems to be mildly quelled when I am standing or walking. Of course. Every other minute or so I will glance down to see if she is sleeping. Every other minute or so I see a pair of black eyes in the dark, blinking purposefully.image

4:46 AM Mama K gets up a second time and mercifully takes Lucie from me, who promptly falls sound asleep. The dogs think it would be a great time to go outside! Why not?

4:56 AM The Platters mock me, singing “You’ve Got That Magic Touch” as I fall face first onto my pillow.

7:50 AM I wake up and Lucie is magically sound asleep in her crib. I have no recollection of this happening, but I do know that one baby divided by two parents equals 5-7 hours of sleep per night. When you multiply that by the daytime happiness factor, that comes out to at least 2000. Right?


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