“Baby Love” as Diana Ross Never Intended

Start the YouTube clip and scroll down to follow along:

Ooh, hoo baby love, my baby love
I feed you, oh how I feed you
And all you do is act real mad
Poke my eye and leave me sad
Tell me, what did I do wrong
To make you fuss all night long

‘Cause baby love, my baby love
Miss sleeping in, miss eating out
Instead of throwing up
Let’s get dressed, ready for showing up
Don’t start your pout attack
In my arms why don’t you relax?
Plead ya, read to ya
Baby love, ooh, baby love

That's great. Next.
That’s great. Next.

Ooh, ooh, need to hold you
Once again, my love
Smell your warm milk breath, my love
Don’t throw your head back
Please don’t make me look like a hack
Not well rested like I used to be
Web MD has got the best of me
Need my love, my baby love
I rock you, oh how I rock you

Don’t throw your clothes away
After just one use we gave
All your stuff to Goodwill
Baby! Baby! Baby! Baby!

So indifferent…

Two thumbs down... if I had control of my thumbs.
Two thumbs down… if I had control of my thumbs.
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Yes, No, Maybe So

Q: Does the Bissell carpet cleaner from seven years ago still function?
A: Yes!

Q: Is it a good idea to lift the baby’s naked butt at a 45 degree angle to the changing table without a care in the world?
A: Absolutely… NOT.

Q: Will we get our security deposit back?
A: Maybe. Our downstairs neighbors are often setting off their smoke alarm, so perhaps their cooking could lead to a mild, but non-lethal charring of the complex the day we move out.

Yesterday was the first day that I was pining (ha ha, get it?) for the oh-so-easy-to-clean hardwood floors of the house we just sold. However, seeing as it has rained all weekend and I don’t have to obsess over timing my lawn mowing with the breaks in said rain, I’ll just take that as a trade-off.

Q: Do I love little Lucie metric tons?
A: That and more.

Q: Would I trade her in for a full night’s sleep?
A: No way.

Q: Could she maybe stop peeing on the fresh diapers, one right after another?
A: I could definitely live with that.

Concessions of a New Mom

You read that right… these are the things I am learning to accept, little by little, day by day:

1. Timeliness is no longer something I can claim on my brag sheet. Unless I start getting ready an hour early to stock the diaper bag, clothe the baby, change the baby, feed the baby, burp the baby, change the baby, and re-clothe the baby, I will not be where I said I would be at the time I said I was going to be there. Sorry.

The reason why I was late to work this morning.
The reason why I was late to work this morning.
Yep, hard to put this down first thing in the morning.
Yep, hard to put this down.

2. Hygiene is but a distant memory. Have I gone four consecutive days without a shower in the past month? Let’s just say I can neither confirm nor deny. Did I get poo on my arm last night at 2:30 AM and just kind of pull my sleeve over it until the morning? Again, no comment. Don’t even get me started on the perils of breastfeeding– and I’m just the bystander.

3. Housekeeping, Schmousekeeping. Vertical piles are my friends.

Egads, what is that smell?
Egads, what is that smell?

4. Courtesy is of utmost importance, now more than ever. This is the actual card we wrote to our neighbors, complete with a pair of movie tickets: “Dear Apt. 308, we don’t know how sound proof the walls are, but we sincerely appreciate your patience and forgiveness for the din of a crying baby and/or barking dogs. Happy Spring, Cathy + Kate of Apt. 307.”

When you are this cute, who needs decorum?
When you are this cute, who needs decorum?

So that’s about it for now. We cannot be more grateful to all those who have supported us every minute of every day. Kindness and generosity are what makes the world go ’round. Thank you.

Your life in tests

Genetic pre-screen
Fertility pre-lab
Ovulation
Pregnancy
Ultrasound x4
Glucose
RH antibodies
Strep
Contraction stress
Prenatal screening series
Blood
Hearing
Height/Weight/Dimension
Reflex
Speech development
Kindergarten Assessment
Pre-admission screening
English Language Proficiency Assessment
Common Core State Standard
Oregon Assessment of Knowledge and Skills
National Assessment of Educational Progress
President’s Physical Fitness
Driver’s
Advanced Placement (AP)
PSAT
SAT
Career Aptitude
LSAT/MCAT/GMAT
Pregnancy

Best day thus far

The umbillical cord stump fell off this morning. Amazing. Now I don’t have to wonder if Lucie went número dos in her diaper or if it was just the piece of rotting flesh that I was smelling. No more paranoia regarding infection, no more Googling “stinky cord stump” and no more getting scratched in the face every time I want to smell her baby smell.  There is no photo for this entry because Kate would actually log in to the blog for the very first time for the sole reason of deleting something so offensive.  For those not familiar with this little treat, just imagine a piece of peanut butter brownie that fell behind your stove only to be discovered 20 years later. Oh, the joys.  

On Leave

That’s misleading, because the post is on (the topic of) leave, but I am officially back at work. After one week at home (ahem, working remotely), I returned to the office to resume my duties and drink gallons upon gallons of coffee. Kate gets three months off, but she has to cash out her vacation and sick time to keep getting paid. Funny coincidence: she works at the very place that inseminated, prenatally cared for, and birthed the “reason” for her time off…

Wait... what?
Wait… what?

When we were in our birthing class, we sat next to a couple originally from Canada. To this day, we are baffled as to why someone who could have had up to 52 weeks of paid leave at 55-80% of their pay would come to the US to have their baby, which is among the worst countries for maternity and paternity benefits. Now they lost out on paid parental leave and a gold medal hockey team.

Going back to work is the pits.
Going back to work is the pits.

Well, at least I’m not this guy, who took three days off for Major League Baseball’s sanctioned paternity leave and missed opening day. I mean, come on! What are your priorities, man? No wonder the Yankees keep kicking your butts.

Weekend lounge scene.
Weekend lounge scene.

Guest Blog

IMG_0468

Hi. I’m Lucie and I have a few things to say to Mama K and Mama C. First of all, if you liked the Chronicles of Narnia so much, why didn’t you spell my name with a “y”? Also, if my middle name is supposed to be “Ro” like Robart and you spell it “Roe” like the sushi topping… isn’t that kind of racist? Speaking of racist, I heard you call me “little egg roll” this morning. Just FYI.

And now to the world, I would like to say “hello.” It’s been a fine six days on Earth. I met Grandma Robart, Aunt Sonia Marie, Aunt Dani, Aunt Kellie and this really great lady named Jodi who showed Mama K how to feed me properly. Even though I kind of like to mess around with the Mamas by “waking up” at 10:00 PM every night, I think they are enormously grateful to Jodi for her support and transition assistance. 

Actually, everyone has been really awesome, except this lady in Target who called Mama C my aunt. Oh well. At least she said I was cute. Also, I haven’t been mauled by any strangers, although the “Hands off of the Baby” sign helps a great deal. Plus the stink eye. I’m really good at giving this sideways glance/pursed lip face, such as when I sense a diaper change coming, when I hear Grandma Robart talk about moving me to Florida, and also just for sheer practice.

Ummm… that’s about all I have to say for now. I need to go rest up for a long night of fussing and crying and soiling my diapers. I now have about a .375 batting average for peeing on a brand new diaper just seconds after it is fastened. Moreover, I have outgrown this shipment of newborn cloth diapers, so the Mamas are practically throwing dollar bills into the waste basket. Make it rain, Baby!