A puppy is to a baby as a dog is to a _______

At our baby shower (that our very wonderful friends executed, despite our initial poo pooing), someone who had recently acquired a dog told us: “If you can raise a puppy, you can raise a baby.”  My initial thought was: “Great! I’ve raised two dogs.”  And then I got to thinking…

Chicken, the Yorkie, was a romping little rascal when I got her from a friend.  However, for the first few months (“years” in dog time), a neighbor would help tremendously by letting Chicken out during the day and doing other favors that a owners of a young dog appreciate.  Maybe this is equivalent to human daycare, but it really did take a village to care for our furry child.  I know our friends are amazing, but will they change a diaper for us at 1:00 AM?

Today, despite all rearing efforts, we have not what should be a well behaved adult Yorkie, but a recalcitrant jerk who runs away every chance she gets.   I’m pretty sure the groomers call “not it” when I’m making a haircut appointment.  When we leave the house, she gives a defiant stare before darting into the other room– and NOT the place where she is supposed to go: a gated-off bathroom, replete with dog bed, water, blanket and radio for company.  What’s it called when someone knows the difference between right and wrong but chooses the latter as a default?  Oh right: sociopathy.

Then there’s Tom, the corgi.  He’s adopted (so was I), so I can speak from experience that there is a little bit of an abandonment complex going in his little worried brain.  The neuroses are so apparent that he is literally sleeping with one eye open as I write this.  He is clingy to the point that we must pick him up to move him anywhere away from us and he wears Temple Grandin-like compression clothing to the dog park to keep his bossy outbursts to a minimum.  Also, if there were a punch card at Dove Lewis, the emergency animal hospital, he would probably have his Sunday morning frequent flyer points all ready to cash in for a free ice cream.  As long as it’s not the same foreign substance that causes our visits in the first place.

So… if raising a human is so similar to raising a puppy, then this blog is about to get interesting.


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